So, the morning of the 13th of August had arrived. Sweat started to drip from my brow, my hands were clammy and my eyes were bloodshot and puffy. This was my aesthetic that morning. Why? Exam results. This was the day the “education system” was going to tell me whether or not I was good enough to go to an institution that at the end of the day will except you if you have enough money and/ or are a genius. I think you can see why I was nervous. Up to this point, the most intellectually taxing thing I had ever had to do were my GCSE’s. Therefore, I could feel the heat for these results. Plus what made things worse was that I am a twin.
That’s right. A twin. For all you twins out there, even those with any siblings, you know how it feels to be bettered by your brother/sister. This is not a nice feeling. You pretend to be “happy” for them, when really inside you’re plotting a scheme that will ensure this will never happen again. Pepper spray and rope come to mind. Therefore a certain drive pushes you on to ensure that you will not endure that level of humiliation again. Good grades or being a generally nice human being does not fuel your day, it is beating your sibling, or in my case, my twin. If they open the door for someone, you lay down your coat so the recipient doesn’t muddy their shoes. If they get 25/30 on a test, you get 26/30. If they start to write a short story, you write a collection of novels. You see what I mean. So, this day suddenly became even more excruciating at the thought of her beating me.
The time was 08:03, results were on-line. They had been for a whole three minutes. The clocks seemed to slow down as entered the college website, then to our VLE, then to my page. On the right hand side lay the tab Exam Results (GRADES). MY heart nearly fell out of my body. I kid you not, I could have died. Right there, It would have been a mess. But nevertheless, I opened up the window and…….
Closed my eyes.
I couldn’t bear to look. The mere thought that my whole future had already been determined by some letters struck fear into my heart. How could this be possible? All of these foreboding thoughts came rushing into my head, they were like demons, entering my body without consent. It all felt very painfully real, like my life was just an elapse, and the picture was to be taken here. This moment.
I opened them.
I now study at the University of East Anglia and couldn’t be happier.